The struggle is real

I have not posted in a while but hey sue me! Anyway I've been busy settling back at home and it has been ugh! I started a youtube channel and that's been interesting. What's more interesting is that I have spent more time on the pc than with people in person. This is uncomfortable for me. However, I'm not talking to many people I used to talk to anyway. It's an odd place being estranged and recluse. I feel like a spider that's trying to make human friends but I keep getting threatened with sneakers. Out of place indeed. I do have a nagging 4 year old in my ear at the moment hmmm? I am just not one of those moms that loves kids so much that they replace their adult friends. I think I need to get out of this house. I think my pisces rising just wants to be a hippie for a lil bit maybe? I don't have a clue. I have been in and out of black rainbows for a while now, I need to just stay out and positive. I am on a quest to figure out why all my daydreams are negative. This should be fun .I am not a writer at all and don't care for grammar but my idealism is something else. So this is my scatter brained update. Random thoughts coming soon! I need a nap.