Do it again!

From within to without. From the debts of the Soul to the highest heights of the universe. I want to go there. I want to be as low as I possibly can get. I want to fall from the depths down through the sky. I want to experience the in between where the awareness of being alive is strong. I don't like the feeling of falling but sometimes I need to be reminded that I am truly alive. The only way I want to fall is from the ground through the sky. The wind in my face reminds me that every breath is precious. The moisture in the air reminds me of where I come from. The smell of the Earth gives me the awareness of how far away I have strayed. The fire within me says," let's do it again!"
I want to feel the ethers that hold the fabric of life intact. I want to be non-existent and omnipresent simultaneously. I want it all and I don't want a damn thing. The in between is the comfort zone where most want to stay. B But I say ,"do it again!" The comfort, you see, is in the falling. The fear lies within the landing. We fall for much longer periods of time than we land. Yet the landing in it's brief moment can feel like an eternity. I say," do it again."

Mother,Woman,Child.

I have been the child of the absent mother. I have been the cargiver of the present mother that's doing her best with what she has. I have been the woman well before it was time to be. I have been the woman praised and executed. I have been the woman with immense power and no identity. I have been the new mother without a clue. I have been the mother who would die for her children and country too. I have been the mother taken foregranted. I have been the absent mother.
It's funny how things come full circle. I am still a child, still a woman, and still a mother. I am now a free woman. I now know who I AM. I am now a present mother even in my absence. I am now alive enough to appreciate it. I am now all the praise I need. I am now the child that creates and heals. I am now the seasoned veteran of life. I am now the teacher because I am the perpetual student. I am now my DIVINE SELF and I am proud of the trinity that is ME.

I wish you could see.

I wish you could just for one moment see the me that I hide. I wish your eyes didn't  lie to you every chance they got. If for once you could see through the wall and tear it down, I would feel safe. I only expect from you what I know I can give. I wish you could feel me without a word and know when I am not ok. When you look into my eyes what is it that you see? I see your soul when I look into yours. I can feel your heartbeat through your breath. I can feel your needs before you voice them. I can see when you are trying to be strong. I can hear the pain in your  voice. I can smell your  physical condition. I just wish you could match me on 1/2 the effort. I wish.

Inside of You

There is bliss inside of you-where the butterflies congregate you know? I like it when I am inside of you. Your eyes are my portal and your soul is my guide. You smell of light sandalwood and the breeze of a summer morning. I feel your heat all around me like my own personal climate. My breath enters my body with your essence in accompaniment. Color me with your love and hang the canvas in the sky. Grass under my feet with a slight dew reminds me of the last time with you. The grip is so strong yet movement is smooth and rhythmic. I feel your thoughts at the pit of my stomach and rain on your command. Freedom is within you and so I create. I create ecstasy with your desires while  you want for more. I create an infinite impression of  amazing in your mind as my rainbows light up your neurons. I'm all up in there-inside of you. Breathing slow deep and hard, feeling slow deep and hard, living in the slow deep and hard. Love it I say till your legs shake. Love it I say till the earthquake. Inside of you there is nothing. Inside of you there is everything.    

Angel Numbers

If you are seeing angel numbers please comment below. I see them everyday. I even had 2 days where I didn't see them and then when I did start seeing them again they had changed. I still see some of the old numbers but new ones showed up. I think I need to take a numerology class so I can interpret these numbers faster. It is like going to school all over again. I have never done so much math in my life! Don't get me wrong, the messages are encouraging but I do realize I am still here on this planet. It is not easy living in duality and oneness at the same damn time. It is a lonely place indeed. It's like being an alien in hiding so people don't capture you for experiments. I feel stuck here. Knowing the future and all that other great stuff people want to do is not just some fun trick. There is a high level of responsibility with these gifts. I am so glad I don't see dead people. I would be "official" then lol. All in all I have definately seen the miracles in my spiritual journey and don't want them to stop. I never knew how difficult being positive could be. It's like a trick question and there is only  one question on the test. I think this is why a lot of metaphysical or mystical folks keep to themselves. I am having an even harder time talking to others now than ever. Then there's Mercury retrograde which is so not cool.I just don't want to be bothered with anyone right now. My current numbers are 711,911,1111,222,444,1010,555

The struggle is real

I have not posted in a while but hey sue me! Anyway I've been busy settling back at home and it has been ugh! I started a youtube channel and that's been interesting. What's more interesting is that I have spent more time on the pc than with people in person. This is uncomfortable for me. However, I'm not talking to many people I used to talk to anyway. It's an odd place being estranged and recluse. I feel like a spider that's trying to make human friends but I keep getting threatened with sneakers. Out of place indeed. I do have a nagging 4 year old in my ear at the moment hmmm? I am just not one of those moms that loves kids so much that they replace their adult friends. I think I need to get out of this house. I think my pisces rising just wants to be a hippie for a lil bit maybe? I don't have a clue. I have been in and out of black rainbows for a while now, I need to just stay out and positive. I am on a quest to figure out why all my daydreams are negative. This should be fun .I am not a writer at all and don't care for grammar but my idealism is something else. So this is my scatter brained update. Random thoughts coming soon! I need a nap.

Silly little boys

You want me to please you? You need me to touch you? You can't meet me half way u say? So you need me to hold your hand? Lemme splain something sweety, I'm not your mommy, but I could be. I am not your wife, and never will be. She... my dear child is not your girlfriend, and will not be holding anything of yours.

Then u say well put your mouth on it then. Make me explode you say. Spit on it for me is your request. Hmmm... Now you are desperate materialized. Not a good look if you want anything from me. Asking to explode sounds a little dangerous when you don't know who you are asking. And you are such a nasty boy with this spit business oh my! No no my dear you are all wrong with me.  Someone else can provide you with what you need.

However, if you want to be touched in a way that sends flames burning within you come to me. If your vulnerability is hidden in your eyes and not out on your sleeve,come to me. If you must please and obey I can help you. We can do great things together with understanding and gratitude. Expectations do not belong here, so if you bring them you will go back with them. I can give you what you need without you sounding like a teenaged baby :)